Tom Stories
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I watched one yellow leaf slowly fall from a tree as a slight breeze ruffled, and I was hit by a huge wave of missing Tom. I wished we could be out hand-in-hand on a fall walk together. Doing nothing really, but doing it together. This desire flares to just go back to normal life before…
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This week some of the wild turkeys that live behind our house stopped by the yard. When we moved into this house it was a very common conversation with friends and family to talk about what wildlife lived in behind us. Deer, the odd bear, and wild turkeys. That was a conversation starter. And Tom…
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I live in a windy spot, so when we start talking about the wind around here that means it is really gusting. Last week as I was woken up by the wind howling, I thought it was time to write this post. Pre-Tom dying I was lucky to be a good sleeper. It was odd…
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Tom was the head of laundry for us. As soon as he would get home from a shift he’d get to unpacking his bag. I would jokingly impersonate him, “Oh I’ve just gotta get a load started here quick before I can do anything else.” My laundry would often be sitting in the hamper until…
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I thought perhaps I should write a more upbeat post. Sometimes I am doing okay and I do have moments of real happiness. I was thinking to reflect on what good days look like for me now or to share intentional practices I do to find joy. Then the past 24 hours happened…and for now…
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We don’t talk much about secondary losses — all the other losses that come as a result of a primary loss (e.g. death). When I laid next to Tom in his hospital bed knowing that was the end of his life, I definitely was not thinking how it was also the end of my life…
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I was a traveling widow again this month, gone for just over two weeks. I was really ready to get home by the end. That is weird for me, a shift that’s happened since Tom died. When we first started dating Tom said we were both kind of gypsies, he was on the road tons…
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I’ve been grumpy lately. Trying to deal with bank stuff this past week has put me on edge (my ranting about post-death admin). Then just normal life stuff gets frustrating. Things that would have never bothered me before can now easily be overwhelming. Reminders that I’m not my old self and this new reality is still…
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I somehow became the official hairdresser of our house, doing Frank’s haircuts and then Tom’s too. At first I was pretty against doing Tom’s. Frank has had some rough haircuts in the past so that was less scary to attempt, but Tom – well I told him fine I’d try it, but he had to…
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Tom was never cold. I am always cold. Tom would tell stories with a chuckle about someone at work complaining about the cold and then getting upset that Tom hadn’t even pulled out his winter gear yet. When we did the Salkantay trek in Peru we ate supper our first night in this beautiful windowed…
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This morning I woke up and decided today would be the day I made myself pancakes for the first time since Tom died. I cried, laughed, and thought of my Tom – the pancake master. He would offer to make pancakes for me at least once a weekend, and would add them to the brunch…
A Smiling Young Widow 