love
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I was looking for a picture of Tom on a trip to Hawaii we took the month before he died. I clicked for my phone to search by his face and was ready to scroll. Then the realization hit, of course the last photo I have of Tom will always be from April 10th, 2023.…
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The week after Tom’s funeral I listened to my mom try to access her credit card account over the phone and fail every one of her own security questions. I laughed, like really laughed. I think I remember the moment so vividly because it was such a foreign thing to experience deep darkness and laughter…
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This is the title Claire Bidwell Smith gave to her book, and honestly it rings very true –though of course with the caveat that there really are no linear stages of grief, it is a squiggly messy route through it. As I look back, anxiety was a big theme of year two of my grief.…
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I went to turn on the air purifier in our room, expecting to hear the humming of the machine as I turned the dial. But I didn’t. Oh it was unplugged. That brief space between expecting something and it not being there? I was thinking this is totally life after a huge loss. It’s part…
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As time goes on the finality of this settles in a bit more and I’ve needed to navigate moving forward. That opens up the question, how do I exist in this new reality? There is a process of “trying on” if or how everything fits in my new life, as I challenge myself to…
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I’m going to share a bit about my favourite grief theory (kind of crazy that I have a favourite grief theory, hey?) – it’s called the continuing bonds theory. Here is a quick overview I’m taking word-for-word from this website: When your loved one dies, grief isn’t about working through a linear process that ends…
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I’m writing this from Costa Rica. Obviously it is a beautiful spot to be, and I’m about to start a week long yoga and healing retreat here which I’m sure will be amazing for me. But… It was really hard for me to actually come on this trip. I was dragging my feet on packing, so…
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Another widow described Valentine’s as a day full of “love bombing”. I appreciated that wording. A day that kinda slaps you across the face. All the reminders from the world that a huge love is now unrequited. Reminders of what I had. Now there’s an untethered love that moves with me always. Tom and I…
A Smiling Young Widow 