grief
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I remember the first time I read how the second year of widowhood tends to be harder to get through. I was a few months into widowhood at that point. First, I was like why the F would you be telling me that?! Second, I didn’t believe it. The world likes to tell us there’s…
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Another widow described Valentine’s as a day full of “love bombing”. I appreciated that wording. A day that kinda slaps you across the face. All the reminders from the world that a huge love is now unrequited. Reminders of what I had. Now there’s an untethered love that moves with me always. Tom and I…
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I went to the dentist. A good, normal life thing for me to do. My friendly hygienist was just back from mat leave. As we walked to the chair we were chatting about her baby and how returning to work was going. Then she asks me, “Anyways, how was your last year?” Uhhhhh… I hesitate.…
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When did he die? How long were you married? Did you have any children? I listened to a podcast that talked about the math of suffering. It resonated with me and offered a label to something I’ve struggled with – are people trying to quantify my grief? (The podcast also referenced Star Trek which made…
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Early on in this mess, I felt like I was a total mess. My emotions and my grief took over constantly. At the hospital I crawled into Tom’s bed sobbing. Such a vulnerable side of myself that before this I would have kept hidden. Tom was my safe place. I know I was his too.…
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Heart break, of course, goes hand-in-hand with loss. I joined an online yoga for grief support class, and one week focused on the heart. We were invited to consider the difference between a heart that breaks apart and a heart that breaks wide open. A heart that breaks open feels emotions intensely, offers room for…
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I had a to-do list on the go for what I wanted to remember to do before leaving for the holidays in December. My list included: “ashes” and “poop scoop”. I was hit with how ridiculous my life is right now. Here I was balancing remembering to pack some of my husband’s ashes to spread…
A Smiling Young Widow 