love
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This is the title Claire Bidwell Smith gave to her book, and honestly it rings very true –though of course with the caveat that there really are no linear stages of grief, it is a squiggly messy route through it. As I look back, anxiety was a big theme of year two of my grief.…
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I went to turn on the air purifier in our room, expecting to hear the humming of the machine as I turned the dial. But I didn’t. Oh it was unplugged. That brief space between expecting something and it not being there? I was thinking this is totally life after a huge loss. It’s part…
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As time goes on the finality of this settles in a bit more and I’ve needed to navigate moving forward. That opens up the question, how do I exist in this new reality? There is a process of “trying on” if or how everything fits in my new life, as I challenge myself to…
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I’m going to share a bit about my favourite grief theory (kind of crazy that I have a favourite grief theory, hey?) – it’s called the continuing bonds theory. Here is a quick overview I’m taking word-for-word from this website: When your loved one dies, grief isn’t about working through a linear process that ends…
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I’m writing this from Costa Rica. Obviously it is a beautiful spot to be, and I’m about to start a week long yoga and healing retreat here which I’m sure will be amazing for me. But… It was really hard for me to actually come on this trip. I was dragging my feet on packing, so…
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Another widow described Valentine’s as a day full of “love bombing”. I appreciated that wording. A day that kinda slaps you across the face. All the reminders from the world that a huge love is now unrequited. Reminders of what I had. Now there’s an untethered love that moves with me always. Tom and I…
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Heart break, of course, goes hand-in-hand with loss. I joined an online yoga for grief support class, and one week focused on the heart. We were invited to consider the difference between a heart that breaks apart and a heart that breaks wide open. A heart that breaks open feels emotions intensely, offers room for…
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I had a to-do list on the go for what I wanted to remember to do before leaving for the holidays in December. My list included: “ashes” and “poop scoop”. I was hit with how ridiculous my life is right now. Here I was balancing remembering to pack some of my husband’s ashes to spread…
A Smiling Young Widow 